Rhubarb, fool.

This is not a recipe for rhubarb fool, though I have made that. I found it too sweet and annoying to make cream with my own sweat and tears. The following method of making rhubarb is much simpler and, in my opinion, better all around. Rhubarb is an ideal vegatable. It grows like mad, and is pretty easy to get. My mom has a wicked recipe for rhubarb cake, but that requires turning on the oven in the summer, which is just not okay. So here's what I've been doing with it:



Take 3-4 stalks of rhubarb and chop it into bite-size chunks, to make about 3 cups.
Combine 3 cups chopped rhubarb in a medium saucepan with 1/4 c. sugar. Let sit for 15 minutes, until the rhubarb has released a good amount of juice.

Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes, until it starts to thicken a little and gets soft. Let cool for two hours (or less if you're anxious and don't care.) You can store it for 2-3 days in the fridge.

Best ways to use it:
-as topping for vanilla ice cream. seriously. tart + sweet = a delcious soupy snack.

-as a base for a crazy fruit salad (I just added mandarin oranges and chomped away. It would be good with blueberries and strawberries, too.)

-as topping on some sort of shortcake or pound cake. or any pastry.

Blueberry Ginger Icebox Pie

hey, so it has been awhile.

Here is a recipe for a delicious, easy, summertime pie. Good for taking to a BBQ if you are invited to one, or good for just eating by yourself while watching TV in your sweltering apartment.



5 cups fresh blueberries
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup water
1 tablespoon butter
1 inch ginger, grated
juice of half a lemon
zest of half a lemon
1 10 in graham cracker crust*

+ In a medium saucepan, bring 3 cups blueberries, ginger, lemon juice, zest and sugar to a boil.
+ Meanwhile, whisk together the water and cornstarch
+ After the blueberries come to boil, stir in the cornstarch and cook for 2 minutes
+ Remove from heat and stir in the remaining 2 cups of blueberries and the butter.
+ Pour into the pie crust and refrigerate for 6-8 hours
+ Eat.


*
you can buy a graham cracker crust, or just make it. they're real easy to make

3/4 cup crushed graham crackers
1/8 cup powdered sugar
4 tablespoons melted butter

mix it all together and press into a pie pan. bake at 300 degrees for 10 minutes. let cool.

Not even kidding.

I found this in a cookbook from our church in South Dakota. Thank you, Phyllis Kruiter.

Velveeta Cheese Fudge

1 lb. butter
1 lb. Velveeta cheese
1 c. cocoa
4 lb. powdered sugar
1 tbsp. vanilla
walnuts, as desired

Mix butter and Velveeta cheese; melt in microwave. Add 1 cup cocoa and 4 pounds powedered sugar. Then add vanilla and nuts. This makes 2 9x13 inch pans of fudge.

Then I did an image search, and there are lots of results. Could this actually be good? It's even on the Kraft website! The cream-of-what New Year's challenge : make and eat Velveeta Cheese Fudge, and like it. We could all do it on the same day (or in the same week) and blog our reactions. Eh?

easy (and delicious) key lime pie

crust:

3/4 C finely crushed cinnamon graham crackers

1/8 C powdered sugar

3.5 T melted butter

mix all together and press into a pie pan. it helps if you have a second pie pan to press down on to the crust to get it even all the way around. bake at 300 for 10 min. let cool

filling:

4 large egg yolks

1 14oz can of sweetened condensed milk

1/2 C key lime juice

2 t of grated lime rind

beat the eggs until fluffy and light yellow (but don't over beat them, or else the filling gets too thick, or something) add the sweetened condensed milk and blend together. add half of the lime juice and blend until it is fully incorporated. add the other half of the lime juice and the lime rind. blend until it is all mixed together well - pour into the cool graham cracker crust and bake for 12 min at 350. serve cold with cool whip.

my pie wasn't served with this much class. and it didn't have all those limes behind it.

sadly, not a jell-o poke cake

but here's a picture of a similarly themed dessert me and joy made last week


we used the shortcake recipe from the better homes and gardens (plaid binder) cookbook, which, followed properly, i'm sure would have left us with a delicious way to celebrate the 4th of july. but since there was nothing delicious about the cake that we made, instead of providing the recipe here i will just leave you with the following advice:

next time want to make a short cake, and you think to yourself that it won't make a difference if you use half whole wheat flour, or if a moth flies out of the bag of whole wheat flour when you get ready to use it, or if you use sea salt instead of regular salt because you are convinced that no regular salt exists in the kitchen you are using*, or if you measure out tablespoons of baking powder instead of teaspoons, realizing your mistake when it is already too late so that all you can do is try to guess how much should be taken out until you are left with what you think the recipe actually calls for, then you probably have no business baking anything that doesn't come in a pre-mixed box, so that all you have to add is an egg, some water, and maybe a package of jell-o brand gelatin

*we did eventually find the regular salt, while making the first failed batch of whipped cream for the frosting

this dessert is realer than ypsi

two pear halves served on a lettuce leaf with a dollop of miracle whip and a sprinkling of grated cheese


i cannot personally vouch for this recipe (given to me by one of my aunts during a discussion of the food blog with various extended family members), as i have never actually tried it, and probably never will. my love of mayonnaise runs pretty deep, but i think i'd eat a tuna fish/olives and lime jello salad before i'd make this dessert

grandma's green salad

just in time to kick off the summer potluck season starting this memorial day, here's another essential jell-o/cool whip recipe courtesy of my great-grandma morrell, who, incidentally, did not refer to it as "grandma's green salad" but used the much less fun name of "relief society salad," paying tribute to her church women's group where she presumably discovered the recipe. whatever you call it, this is sure be a big hit at any social function this summer, secular or otherwise.

1 tub cool whip brand whipped topping (not cool whip lite)
1 small package pistachio jell-o instant pudding mix
1 can pineapple chunks
1 can fruit cocktail in light syrup
fresh sliced bananas

combine undrained pineapple chunks and fruit cocktail in a large mixing bowl, add sliced bananas and pistachio jell-o powder, stir until jell-o is completely dissolved, fold in cool whip and chill until ready to serve

*the image used in this post was taken from the wikipedia article on watergate salad, as my google image search for "grandma's green salad" did not result in an appropriate image. while grandma's green salad is similar to watergate salad in many ways, the watergate salad recipe posted on kraftfoods.com reveals several critical differences, namely the lack of bananas and the addition of marshmallows, both of which, i feel, detract from the perfect balance of flavor and texture found in my great grandmother's recipe

taking it there

rice crispy treats:

one box kellogg's rice krispies, or off brand crispy rice cereal
two 10 oz. bags mini marshmallows
two sticks butter or margarine

melt margarine in a large saucepan, add marshmallows and stir until completely melted
remove from heat, add rice krispies, press into a 9x13 pan, let cool, cut into treat-sized squares

the best part about making this recipe as an adult is that you have complete control over how much of the melted marshmallow/rice mixture you actually pour into the pan as directed, and how much you leave in the saucepan to be eaten directly off the spatula. you're also free to bring the saucepan with you out of the kitchen and into the living room, eating the unformed rice cripsy mix off your lap while you watch reruns of the wonder years

Missing in action.

My eternal favorite Jell-O product has always been "Americana" custard. In high school I could eat half a serving bowl of it, especially if it had been dusted with nutmeg (always) and had developed a layer of skin from sitting in the fridge. Delicious. However, those days are over. They don't carry it at my grocery store here, and I haven't been able to find it anywhere. I've resorted to the flan sold in the "mexican" aisle, but I think it's time to rely on that trusty old tome, JofC.

Rich Custard
6-8 servings

Combine in a medium saucepan:
3/4 cup sugar
2 tbsp cornstarch
1/8 tsp. salt

Gradually whisk in:
2 cups half and half
4 large egg yolks, well beaten
2 tbsp unsalted butter, cut into pieces

Whisking constantly, bring to a boil over medium-low heat, and boil for 1 minute. Remove from the heat and immediately stir in:
1.5 tsp vanilla

Pour into a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and chill.

Whip 1/2 cup cold heavy cream until firm peaks form. Fold into the chilled custard.

I haven't tried this yet. Frankly nothing compares to a packet of power combine with milk and stirred to deliciousness. Kraft Foods, Inc., what have you done?!?

My mascot dessert.

This doesn't have Cool Whip but it does have an entire container of sour cream, which I think should count for something. This is also the story of the worst thing that has ever happened to me in the kitchen.

Required Equipment:
-Crock Pot
-SOMETHING TO STIR WITH (important).

Ingredients:
1 package chocolate cake mix
3 oz. package instant chocolate pudding mix
4 eggs (note: eggs must be stirred into mixture)
1 cup water
2 cups sour cream
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 cup chocolate chips

Directions:
Spray crockpot with cooking spray.
Mix the dry ingredients in one bowl, the wet ingredients in another bowl. Add the dry to the wet and beat the mixture until smooth. Add the chocolate chips last.
Cook for 6-8 hours, and serve in bowls with ice cream (cinnamon is nice).

Serves:
8-10 people

When I tried this out the first time on my roommates of First Street, I had the simplified version of the recipe that assumed that any dunce could figure out that you're supposed to mix the ingredients before cooking them. But I thought too hard and imagined some heat-activated process of diffusion, and just dumped all the ingredients in the crock pot and left it for 8 hours. I built this up like it was God's own dessert, and then when I served it there were, undeniably, chunks of fried egg in our chocolate pudding cake. My roommates politely tried to downplay how disgusting this was, but finally Tricia spit out a sizeable, slimy chunk of egg and yelled "Fuck!"

Honestly, every time I think about that, I laugh until I cry a little.

Lesson: You gotta stir it. It's delicious sans the eggy clots.

Blurry and delicious,

Justin made a two-tiered jello-poke cake for my birthday and decorated it with kiwi, blackberries, and strawberries. It was wonderful...



The combination of fruits was ideal, and the choice of jell-o (red, cherry) made for a refreshingly moist cake that tasted like the first day of spring. Or maybe it was the entire container of cool whip that served as icing. Either way, this one is a classic and may be on its way to becoming the mascot dessert of this blog. Until one of those marshmallow whip cream pineapple food coloring salads get posted, at least.

jello poke cake, alternative decorating idea

my mother generally made this cake on the 4th of july, but i suppose it can be served for any patriotic summertime holiday

By the swimming pool

All throughout my childhood, I had Jello Poke Cake for my birthday cake. I loved swimming, so each year I got to pick three friends to invite to go swimming at the Holiday Inn pool. In those days you could pay to have the entire pool to yourself for a couple hours, so it would just be my family and my chosen friends. After hours of frolic we would emerge from the waters and devour delicious fruity fluffy cake with our shriveled hands. I always made my mother top it with Cool Whip and arrange rows of fresh cut fruit on top in a rainbow pattern. Why mess with tradition? Justin: sorry to make you feel like you have to live up (or down?) to my mom's culinary legacy all the time.



JELLO POKE CAKE

1 bx. yellow or white cake mix
1 (3 oz.) bx. red jello
1 (8 oz.) carton Cool Whip topping
9 x 13 baking dish

Bake cake according to package directions. While cake is cooling in its pan, poke holes all over with large fork. Mix jello according to package directions. Drizzle jello liquid over cake. Make sure jello penetrates all holes. Chill several hours or overnight. Frost chilled cake with whipped topping. Add slices of fresh strawberries, kiwi, mandarin oranges, and other fruit as desired. Serve.