Revitilization project, part 2.

So, I had kind of a hard time deciding what to write on my golden duckswan. I finally decided to just go with "Liebe", so it would make me think of "Gold und Liebe", the album by D.A.F that gets my hips whipping. However, as I knew I would, I put the e in the wrong place. This is a classic german student mistake, so of course I would mess up after thinking to myself, "Don't mess this up." The gold duckswan now reads "Limbs" or "Bodies", in dative. Maybe that's how it should have been from the beginning.

My mascot dessert.

This doesn't have Cool Whip but it does have an entire container of sour cream, which I think should count for something. This is also the story of the worst thing that has ever happened to me in the kitchen.

Required Equipment:
-Crock Pot
-SOMETHING TO STIR WITH (important).

Ingredients:
1 package chocolate cake mix
3 oz. package instant chocolate pudding mix
4 eggs (note: eggs must be stirred into mixture)
1 cup water
2 cups sour cream
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 cup chocolate chips

Directions:
Spray crockpot with cooking spray.
Mix the dry ingredients in one bowl, the wet ingredients in another bowl. Add the dry to the wet and beat the mixture until smooth. Add the chocolate chips last.
Cook for 6-8 hours, and serve in bowls with ice cream (cinnamon is nice).

Serves:
8-10 people

When I tried this out the first time on my roommates of First Street, I had the simplified version of the recipe that assumed that any dunce could figure out that you're supposed to mix the ingredients before cooking them. But I thought too hard and imagined some heat-activated process of diffusion, and just dumped all the ingredients in the crock pot and left it for 8 hours. I built this up like it was God's own dessert, and then when I served it there were, undeniably, chunks of fried egg in our chocolate pudding cake. My roommates politely tried to downplay how disgusting this was, but finally Tricia spit out a sizeable, slimy chunk of egg and yelled "Fuck!"

Honestly, every time I think about that, I laugh until I cry a little.

Lesson: You gotta stir it. It's delicious sans the eggy clots.

Blurry and delicious,

Justin made a two-tiered jello-poke cake for my birthday and decorated it with kiwi, blackberries, and strawberries. It was wonderful...



The combination of fruits was ideal, and the choice of jell-o (red, cherry) made for a refreshingly moist cake that tasted like the first day of spring. Or maybe it was the entire container of cool whip that served as icing. Either way, this one is a classic and may be on its way to becoming the mascot dessert of this blog. Until one of those marshmallow whip cream pineapple food coloring salads get posted, at least.

Aunt Judy

The perfect dress for peeling potatoes. Diana, this one's for you. See more at http://heidimerrick.com/collection/collection.html

In the spirit.

Thursday was my second visit to the bar/restaurant known as Nico's Recovery Room. The first time there I ordered saganaki (it's supposed to be a Greek restaurant) and received a giant breaded mozzarella stick that was then doused in brandy and set aflame. The second time, I ordered nachos, which were listed as coming with chilis, salsa, sour cream, and cheddar. What I received was a giant plate of tortilla chips drowned in chili, and covered in cheddar cheese. That's chili like the stew, not the vegetable that makes an appropriate nacho topping. The least they could have done was include the sour cream. Despite this lack of additional dairy products, I have to say the spirit of unhealthy deliciousness is stronger at Nico's than any other bar I've been too in Pittsburgh. They're not offering any apologies for their greasy bastardized substitutions. Who would want salsa when you could have chili anyways!? Who would want authentic cheese when you could have some breaded and deep-fried over-processed mozzarella?! Not a Nico's customer, that's for sure.



The winner of the restaurant category is, of course, Ritter's Diner, where you can get a glass of buttermilk, a braunschweiger+american cheese sandwich, and succotash.

Revitilization project, part 1.

Swan (duck, whatever) from Goodwill, before:



stay tuned...

Inspiration.

Justin enlightened me about the pictorial treasures waiting to be seen at the Library of Congress' website. If you go to http://www.loc.gov, and click on "American Memory" you'll find dozens of collections housing digital images from history. So far my favorite section is "Culture and Folklife", where pictures like this one are just waiting to be found:



Yes, those are shelves of homemade preserves.

A Gringo twist on a Mexican favorite

Before I get started I just want to express how delighted I am to be a part of what I think will obviously become a bestselling cookbook, followed by a hilarious spinoff television show featuring cynical cigarette smoking stylish vulgar tom collins drinking cooks, and probably will lead to a highly successful chain of restaurants.

Here we go:

Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
1 can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 container (8 oz.) sour cream
1 cup salsa
2 tsp. chili powder
2 cups chopped cooked chicken
1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
10 Flour Tortillas, warmed
1 medium tomato, chopped
1 green onion, sliced


MIX soup, sour cream, salsa, and chili powder.

MIX 1 cup of this mixture with the chicken and cheese.

SPREAD about 1/4 cup of this mixture down center of each tortilla. Roll up and place seam-side down in a baking dish. Pour the rest over the enchiladas. Add some more cheese, you know you want to. Cover with tin foil.

BAKE at 350°F. for 40 min. or until hot. Top with tomato and green onion (this is the classy part).

Guacamole! Sour Cream! Patronizing oversized sombreros! Let the fun begin!

friday night dinners, cerca 1990

this was my favorite meal and we ate it all of the time. it is delicious and easy, except butter beans are gross.

buy orange roughy. heat in oven at 350 degrees until flaky. liberally add lemon juice at your plate.

open box of rice-a-roni green and white noodles. follow instruction on box. serve.

open can of butter beans. heat on stove. serve

enjoy!

jello poke cake, alternative decorating idea

my mother generally made this cake on the 4th of july, but i suppose it can be served for any patriotic summertime holiday

By the swimming pool

All throughout my childhood, I had Jello Poke Cake for my birthday cake. I loved swimming, so each year I got to pick three friends to invite to go swimming at the Holiday Inn pool. In those days you could pay to have the entire pool to yourself for a couple hours, so it would just be my family and my chosen friends. After hours of frolic we would emerge from the waters and devour delicious fruity fluffy cake with our shriveled hands. I always made my mother top it with Cool Whip and arrange rows of fresh cut fruit on top in a rainbow pattern. Why mess with tradition? Justin: sorry to make you feel like you have to live up (or down?) to my mom's culinary legacy all the time.



JELLO POKE CAKE

1 bx. yellow or white cake mix
1 (3 oz.) bx. red jello
1 (8 oz.) carton Cool Whip topping
9 x 13 baking dish

Bake cake according to package directions. While cake is cooling in its pan, poke holes all over with large fork. Mix jello according to package directions. Drizzle jello liquid over cake. Make sure jello penetrates all holes. Chill several hours or overnight. Frost chilled cake with whipped topping. Add slices of fresh strawberries, kiwi, mandarin oranges, and other fruit as desired. Serve.

Childhood and curry.

Last night I made my mother's recipe for "Chicken Devan". First, it must be stated that I don't know what this dish is really called. When I was studying abroad my British roommate made it and called it Chicken de Vian (or something like that), and it seems more likely that this could be the original name. However, I belive JofC refers to it as "Devan", so that is what I will call it, as did my mother before me.

The JofC recipe lacked several important things: 1. simplicity - nothing makes a recipe simple like two cans of cream soup, and a pile of cheddar. 2. mayo - lots of it. 3. curry - this is the true secret. The JofC recipe involves making a Mornay sauce (a white sauce with cheese added), which is a lot of trouble. Why spend so much time stirring and reaching appropriate heat levels when you can combine one can of cream of mushroom soup, one can of cream of chicken soup, 3/4 cup of mayo, juice of 1/2 a lemon, and 1 tsp curry powder to create a sauce that tastes one hundred times more delicious?!



i used frozen broccoli and cooked the chicken in lots of olive oil beforehand. My mother used Minute rice, but even I have limits. top it with some shredded cheddar (sharp) and put it in the oven at 350 for around a half hour, making sure to check it periodically so the top doesn't burn. Serve atop non-Minute rice.

(note, in this blog JofC will refer to Joy of Cooking. I have the 2006 or 2007 edition..the one that tells you to put a tablespoon of salt in your pancakes. wrong.)

tuna casserole: the remix

they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade. well sometimes life gives you bags of frozen broccoli, and shortages of frozen peas. that said, here is an ingredients list for the tuna casserole that i made last night:

about half a box elbow macaroni OR small shells
one can cream of mushroom soup (CofM)
one-two cans of tuna fish
one cup milk (or less, depending on the amount of macaroni)
one 8 oz block of sharp cheddar cheese (minimum)
one-two cups frozen broccoli
black pepper
red pepper flakes, if you want to take it there
crushed chips

i'm pretty sure you are all capable of figuring out how to combine these ingredients appropriately. however, despite the obvious simplicity of this recipe, i still manage, somehow, to screw something up almost every time. except last night. last night my casserole was nearly perfect. in fact it probably could have been in some sort of museum. so here is a second list of things that might account for my uncharacteristic success:

leave the noodles slightly undercooked

use a small casserole dish, calling for fewer noodles, less milk, and slightly less cheese, resulting in a much higher CofM ratio

don't grate the cheese, cut it into slices, and add it last, just before you pour everything into the casserole, so that it doesn't completely melt until you put it in the oven

if you have the luxury of a colander, heat the CofM with a little of the milk in the bottom of your pot before returning the drained noodles. i'm pretty sure this can't possibly serve any purpose other than making you feel like you are making a more complicated recipe that requires a roux or something, but i like imagining that kind of thing so i recommend this anyway

bake at 350 for about 40 minutes